y Lance on Mar 21, 2011 in Sex

What Honey said in her post on sexual compatibility has been on my mind the last few days. Glass Dildos are glass sex toys made by craftsmen with innovative design.

I had to search my memory banks to see if I ever had an encounter similar to what Honey described, where there was instant attraction that led to perfect sexual compatibility without a lot of flirting, talking, game, or other fluff in between. The way she describes it, it was just a perfect fit, from start to finish. Vibrators or Vibrater are perfectly acceptable among sex toys' users and with the transition of model conception and the popularization of vibrators.

I have two examples worth recapping, both of which I blogged about in the past. The first was Gina, a wonderful gal I picked up on my last weekend in Tennessee, before moving back to Florida. I met Gina in line at a Mexican bar, we partied together the whole evening, and in the end I took her home and bonked her brains out. We had sex through the night, all morning, until 4pm the next day, stopping only to nap, talk, and hydrate. When the marathon session ended, I was shaking from low blood sugar.

When I met her, there was an instant spark and I knew immediately that if we did the dirty deed, it would be spectacular. I could just tell because everything from our verbal wordplay to our touching to our attraction was electric. The sex was all that and more. Everything fit right and our sex styles meshed perfectly. PERFECTLY. Gina would have made a brilliant companion too, so it’s an awful irony that I moved away in less than 48 hours. We had one more encounter after that, a weekend beach sextacular, that was every bit as insane as the first.

Sex with Gina was so good, it destroyed my previous scale of how good sex could be. My previous 10 was now a 6, and my new 10 was in outer space. The encounter was a huge turning point for me.

The second chica was Teri, the lovely Sagittarius chick I dated one summer. This one was interesting, because I wasn’t that physically attracted to her, at least at first, but I sensed a spark so I pursued her. When we had sex, it was TOTAL wild gorilla sex, a multi-hour porno happening in real life. It was actually more intense and more focused than sex with Gina, because we both let ourselves unleash on an emotional level that was highly erotic and overwhelmingly intense.

Hard to convey the unleashing, but here’s an example: I would fuck Teri missionary style, she would have several stacked orgasms, each one building in intensity–while this was happening, she would whisper into my ear how she thought I was a beautiful and amazing sex God. On the last orgasm, the most intense one, she asked me to kiss her deeply while she was coming, which was incredible. Then she would weep for a bit, then laugh. Then she would straddle me cowgirl style and fuck me mega hard while I slapped her ass, talked filthy dirty to her, until I blew my load. Oh yeah, while THAT was happening, she was verbally insulting my manhood and clawing my chest. We would do that for hours. It was a physical and emotional roller coaster and super exhausting.

With Teri, we ignited our fantasies and were in physical communion. It was an 10.5 out of 10 sexual compatibility. Thinking back on it now, it was too intense, the kind of sex I would only want to have maybe once every couple of weeks.

It was very much like a drug. I craved it, I simply couldn’t get enough of it, and it screwed me up mentally. Why? Because once we stopped having sex, the companionship was absolutely horrible. She was incapable of showing affection or emotion outside of the bedroom so I would work to get us back into a sexual state just to get the emotional fix. I would use every pickup and game trick that I knew to manipulate her state because I wanted to get us back to that place where we were unleashing our deepest emotions. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. But we never clicked outside of the bedroom despite being amazing inside of it. It’s kind of retarded.

In Teri’s case, the sex was too good, too intense, too dark, more than I was ready for. I don’t think I want to be in that space again unless things get really weird for me . I would sacrifice down to a 9 of 10 on the sex scale if the companionship was up to snuff.
Takeways

Sexual compatibility is hard to find (and keep) and hard to come to terms with. The sex component of a relationship is as important as the companionship component, and to ignore it is to invite doom on your relationships. Start by identifying your own sexual style, tastes, and embracing what you need. Embrace who you are.

I recognized my sexual style and values just a few years ago. The tipping point for me was reading the ebook The Sex God Method, by Daniel Rose. It really jived with me because it’s all about mental bedroom game, fantasy, and dirty talk, which is what gets me off. From there, I watched a lot of porn videos, read more stuff, and narrowed down what fantasy I liked and what didn’t do it for me. The third step was experimentation with my partners and trying stuff until I found what really worked. Finally, I developed a distinct style and sexual values.

If there’s a voice in the back of your head that whispers that something isn’t right with your sex life or that you’re missing something, don’t ignore it. Listen and respond.

Now that I’ve written this, I think I want to get into some dark, really weird kinky shit.

Corruption! It’s How We Roll!

So, yes, we get the idea that Afghanistan is kind of a corrupt place. But really, with the lawlessness and the massive rift between the political elite and everyone else, what else would we expect?

I was part of a meeting that took place in a small village in Paktiya Province. It had been pre-arranged, so all of the village elders came out in force, as did every other male in the village, from age 5 to 85. The village was at the top of a small hill that had a cliff that overlooked the nearby river valley. In fact, it may have looked an awful lot like the village in the banner picture of this blog. As we walked up the goat-trails (easier said than done while in full body armor), the men laid out a giant cloth on the ground and a bunch of padded cushions that were upholstered in red fabric that read, “Japan!”

After the official meeting, we broke into small groups to just chat. I started talking with a man in his early 30s who complained bitterly of politicians doing nothing but hoarding all sorts of money for themselves, playing favorites with projects, and giving public jobs to their family members. Since there was an election coming up, I asked him why he didn’t run for office and try to change things.

He gave me a grin that was somehow proud and sheepish at the same time.

“Because I’d be even worse.”

I had to laugh and he laughed along with me.

Corruption not only happens, it’s expected. But why? Because power corrupts?

Well, partially. People are people, after all, whatever culture we may have been raised in. But there are some particularities of Afghanistan that make what we would call corruption a good idea.

First is the expectation of violence. When you’ve lived through 30 years of war and then combine that with a couple thousand years’ worth of empires marauding through your territory, stability is not exactly the status quo. You expect chaos. You develop a mentality of preparing for it. So to protect yourself and your family, you gather all the resources you can and hold onto them (not unlike zombie apocalypse preparedness). In other words, you become a hoarder par excellence.

And if you happen to get into a lucrative position, you take advantage of that and get as much as you can, be it a well in your backyard built by the Americans or a new road to your village or a whole bunch of jobs for your family so you can collectively stockpile as much money as humanly possible before this government goes the way of all the ones before it.

There’s another element to this, though too. Across the Middle East and Central Asia, honor and shame play a major part in society. Sure, honor is important to us all, but in these areas, honor is much more tied up in the family than it is in the US or Europe.  If my brother or cousin or third cousin twice removed does something dishonorable, it doesn’t really reflect on me, but if I live in Afghanistan, my cousin’s shame is my shame. And shame isn’t just about being looked down on, but think Scarlet Letter levels of excommunication. If I am shamed, basic things like getting married, getting a job, etc. are jeopardized.

So to avoid situations like that, you work really hard to earn honor and prestige. Across the Mid East/Asia region there are various formal and informal honor codes that create systems for people to earn honor. Many are pretty similar across countries. Hospitality is a big element of them (to refuse it is to seriously insult your host). Another is protecting guests in your home as fiercely as if they were your family. A third is providing sanctuary, even to your worst enemy.

And charity is a big one (it’s actually a requirement in Islam). Charity is especially important if you are a powerful or wealthy person. If you have money (or tons of cropland or goats or whatever), you earn immense honor by sharing your wealth, most particularly with your extended family. It earns you loyalty, respect, prestige. It can make you into a Big Man/tribal leader/warlord/sheikh/chieftain/etc. It’s a pretty common pattern around the world. A leader is someone who shares his wealth.

It’s not so different in our culture, really. Every time I go to visit the undisputed matriarch of my family (my little Italian grandmother), she presses $20 into my hand. She has done so since before I can remember and it doesn’t matter that I’m now over 30 with an income that’s probably three times her retirement pay. I wouldn’t dream of refusing it. It’s what she does, a point of pride and, yes, honor. (Besides, if there’s any doubt as to where I get my stubbornness, let me assure you, it’s that side of the family.)

Where it becomes problematic in Afghanistan is when people who live by that ideal get into political power. Taking care of their extended family via what we would call favoritism and nepotism is, in their eyes, the right thing to do. You take care of your own. Period. It just happens that when you do that with public funds and positions, people tend to get a little persnickety about it. While admitting that they would do the exact same thing.

Don’t get me wrong, by no means does everyone do this. There are a lot of Afghans who believe the political system should be free of this kind of thing. They don’t play favorites, they don’t succumb to nepotism, they push hard for anti-corruption investigations and convictions. There just also happen to be a lot of people who have decided to do the best they can for themselves. And for those guys, when they help their people out, they consider it to be the smart, honorable, expected thing to do.

It only becomes “corruption” when you’re the one not getting a cut.

G spot vibrators Saviors to Men and Women Alike

When the washing machine is down and you need a little pick me up, you might find yourself turning to your faithful vibrator. Male or female, single, dating or married, alone or with company, a good vibrator can be one of your best friends when it comes to having a great time in bed -- or just about any other area of the house for that matter. Unlike a person, discreet vibrators is easy to take on trips, it is always in the mood, doesn take long to recharge, and is one heck of a cheap date. However, you might be wondering why I said ale or female?when it comes to a vibrator friendly companionship. Well, let me explain.

It isn that many men find vibrators necessarily sexually appealing when used on them; it is that the discreet vibrator can come in handy during the sexual experience with a woman. Let be frank -- not all men are the most skilled when it comes to the foreplay portion of sex. It as if the woman is Goldilocks and the ear?attempts at stimulation are often oo hard?or oo soft?and that ust right?feeling can, at times, remain illusive.

But you have to remember, men only have access to the female genitalia for small periods of time, and no one knows better than you do how you like to be touched. Therefore, incorporating g spot vibrators into your foreplay may not only make for a great teaching device for the untrained or under-trained ear? but a wonderfully pleasurable one for you as well. For men, the vibrator can act as the artificial ingman,?breaking the ice, aiding in those awkward moments, and coming to the rescue when all hope of stimulation seems lost.
From a woman perspective, the beneficial uses of a g spot vibrator are obvious, especially for those woman who at the critical moment are lacking a human partner. Rather than having to get all dolled up to run out to the nearest bar or club scene and scoop up the hunkiest stud around, you can relax, light some candles, pour yourself a glass of wine, slip into a soothing bath, and let your imagination -- and your trusty vibrator -- do the rest.

With a waterproof vibrator, you don even have to leave the pleasure of the soapy suds. Just refill your wineglass, light another candle, and hold on tight! Buy your sex toys from a decent  adult shop online

Penis pumps

Penis pumps are one of the many methods developed by sexologists to increase blood flow to the penis, allowing a strong erections that ensure pleasure for both partners. A penis pump is a cylinder that the user places over the penis and activates. The pump may be manual or motorized.

 When operating the penis pump has a suction, creating a vacuum around the penis. This has the net effect of drawing blood to the penis. As the flow of blood to the penis is what creates an erection, the benefits of this action are easy to understand. The penis becomes engorged and erect as a result. In the case of a penis pump, more is less because excessive pressure causes vascular damage rather than a harder penis.

 Penis Pumps Are Not Just For Impotence

 Initially these vacuum pumps were meant to aid in cases of impotence and they are still used to an extent for this purpose. There are levels of sophistication of these pumps, with the simplest being as described above. A more sophisticated penis pump is made to higher standards of safety and quality and costs a lot more. They are sometimes distributed by medical equipment suppliers.

 Enhancements For A Penis Pump

 Cock rings, also called flexible compression rings, can be used in conjunction with a penis pump. You can fit one to the open end of the cylinder. Once an erection has been created, the ring is pushed to the base of the erect penis. Finally the vacuum pressure is released. This enables the man to retain the erection even in cases of vascular or nervous problems that would normally lead to the erection subsiding. Using this combination method, an erection can normally can be retained for a considerable period of time. Usually the manufacturers suggest that the cock rings be removed after half an hour.

Be Careful When Using Vacuum Pumps

Pumping with penis pumps should be done very carefully so that there is no injury. In the excitement of the moment users have been known to conduct over enthusiastic pumping that bursts a blood vessel or forms blisters. Excessive use over time is also to be avoided as the rim of the cylinder can cut into the skin and over time cause damage to the ligaments surrounding the penis.

 Benefits Of Penis Pumps

 Obviously the main benefit of a penis pump is that it helps a man to get and maintain a firmer erection, with consequent pleasure to both partners. It is interesting to note that more than half the men who use these penis vacuum pumps are happy with the results. Although using a penis pump will not give long-lasting physiological results, such as curing impotence, using a penis pump over a few months can have a healthy psychological effect on the user. As a result, some men claim that these pumps become less effective for treating their sexual problems. 

How To Discuss Deal Breakers Before You Get Hitched Marriage

Marriage can be a truly exciting thing. During the time between your engagement and your wedding day, you’ll be busy with planning, enjoying the feeling of anticipation at your coming nuptials, and more. The engagement period is also your last chance to move past any doubts you may be having about your relationship.

The most important thing you can do prior to getting married is make sure you and your significant other are on the same page. Within the first week of getting engaged, you need to cover all of the possible deal breakers, so you don’t find out about anything bad after you’ve already said “I do.”
She Said Yes – Now What?

So the question has been popped and answered in the affirmative—now what? If you’ve already discussed all of your plans for the future with your S.O., congratulations! You’re ready to start planning the ceremony. If not, it’s time to have a very serious discussion together. You two need to cover all of the possible deal breakers and make sure you’re either on the same page, or one of you is willing to bend for the other’s sake.
Talking About Children

First up is one of the biggest topics, children. Do you both want to get pregnant? If one of you does and one of you doesn’t, that can be a major deal breaker. Don’t convince yourself that you can go without the little rug rats you’ve been hoping for just because your soon-to-be spouse doesn’t want them. Definitely do not convince yourself that he or she will likely change their mind.

Give this topic very serious consideration, because if you want them and he/she doesn’t, it can definitely lead to divorce farther down the line. If you both want children, you probably need to set basic expectations about it now. If one of you wants them right away and the other wants to wait, be sure that you’re willing to meet in the middle before you move forward with your marriage. As for how many you want, it’s probably best to wait until you’ve actually had one child before you start deciding on numbers. In this area, as in all of the other major issues, it’s necessary to establish where you are willing to compromise and where you are not.
Talking About Religion

After the issue of offspring has been covered, it’s time to talk religion. If you both practice the same faith or are not particularly religious people, there won’t be much to discuss here. If you’re both the same faith, two Methodists for instance, but go to different churches, you should discuss whose church you’ll join.

Other than that you’re golden. If you’re not of the same faith, or one of you is more religious than the other, you’ll definitely need to examine this subject more. Does one of you expect the other to convert? If you have children, which faith will you expect them to practice? Clarify these issues now, and no major problems will arise further down the line. Besides, if you’re intending to have a religious ceremony, you’ll need to have this discussion so you can pick a venue, etc.
Talking About Finances

You will also need to discuss your living arrangements and financial situation. Does either of you already own a home, or are you both renting? In either situation, will one of you move into the other’s place, or are you going to find a new place to share? If you are going to find a new place together, you need to decide whether you want to buy a home or rent something. Then you should compare your expectations.

If one of you would prefer to go on renting an apartment and the other expects to be a home owner within two years, the sooner you can reach a compromise, the better. Discussing your finances will go hand in hand with deciding where to live. Now is the time to talk about whether or not you’ll combine bank accounts, if either of you has any debt, and more. Unromantic as it may seem, financial worries can cause marriages to crumble. You don’t want to find out six months after you got married that your new spouse is $20K in debt and expects you to put your salary toward that. Talk about fighting and a possible divorce waiting to happen!
Smaller Issues To Deal With

There are other smaller issues that can wait until after the honeymoon, like how you’ll be splitting household chores and deciding which person’s family to visit on each holiday. What’s most important is that you clear the air on the major parts of your future—children, religion, finances and living arrangements. If you can have an honest discussion on these topics and plan to tackle any problems together, you’ll start your marriage on a much happier note.

Getting these things out of the way prior to the wedding not only leaves you with less to worry over, but it also makes sure you don’t walk into marriage with incorrect expectations. If you’re not comfortable talking any of these topics over now, you may need to question if you’re really ready to be married or not. However, if you can start your engagement with this sort of openness, you’re setting a great precedent for the rest of your lives together.

HE PROPOSED BUT I NEVER GOT A RING

ASK A VERY SMART BROTHA: HE PROPOSED BUT I NEVER GOT A RING

Dear What Should I Do,

There are two separate things I want to address in your question. Neither of them directly answer your question, but you can find the answer to your question in both responses. (Trust me, it’ll make more sense once you read.)

1. Your situation is a perfect example of why age considerations are so important when asking and answering a question. While it may not seem “right” or “fair” to think about an adult’s age when giving them advice about dating and relationships—especially when much of the feelings and emotions that go along with this subject transcend age—it is practical.

Anyway, I’m bringing this up because my response to your question depends on your age. If you’re in your late 20s or above, I’d advise you to move on. Why? Well, if you are that age, then you were at least 21 when you two started dating. Basically, your relationship began while you were both adults, and it usually doesn’t take adults seven years to finally realize they want to marry someone. In fact, I’d argue that, for people in their late 20s to early 30s, after two years of dating, the likelihood of you actually getting married decrease with each year. A “engagement” after seven years seems more like a pressured response to an ultimatum (more on this later) more than a man who actually wants to be with a woman for the rest of his life.

If you two are young (25 or below), though—and the tone and content of this letter leads me to believe that you are—I’d be more willing to give him the benefit of the doubt in regards to his plans. Perhaps he does want to marry you, but doesn’t have the money or resources to do things the way he wants to. (Btw, if a car is repossessed, it’s because he wasn’t making car payments, not because of unpaid tickets.)

That being said, my spidey senses still tell me that regardless of your age, he just doesn’t seem to be all that into marrying you. Is that just cause to break up? I don’t know. But, I do know that if you want to be married, you’re going to have to find someone else

2. I want you—and everyone reading this—to repeat after me: Heart-related ultimatums are always terrible ideas.

ALWAYS!

Why? Well, while the heart-related ultimatum—what happens when one person threatens to leave someone unless they make a commitment to them—might get what the person wants (a commitment), it gets it for the wrong reason. Basically, if you want someone to commit to you, you should want them to want to commit. The heart-related ultimatum, though, forces someone to commit out of guilt or fear. So, even if you get the desired answer, you’re left with someone who only said they wanted to be with so you’d shut up and stop asking.

In summary, if you have to ask someone to commit to you, you have your answer even before they give theirs.